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Coming at you live from Laneway, 2018.
Confused. I’m at Byron Bay, where is everyone else?
Question. Where are the Dune Rats?
Confused. No San Cisco?
Question. Did I miss the Jungle Giants? How about Peking Duck?
Fuck it’s hot out.
Confused. Why is this hot water $5?
Confused. I just paid $12 for a schooner of beer. Is that right?
Question. What is the purpose of glitter on your face, beard and chest?
Dude wearing yellow Dune Rats t-shirt, overalls and a felt hat. Tick.
Chick wearing short-ass shorts to show off her short ass. Tick
Festival bros wearing singlets to show off the progress they’ve made at the gym. Tick.
Festival chicks wearing bras and denim skirts. Tick.
Confused. Do women intentionally tear their fishnets or do they buy them like that?
Holy shit, this heat is fucked.
Question. Are my shoes melting right now?
Yes my shoes are melting right now.
Question. Who the fuck puts a stage up and provides no shade?
Confused. Was clothing optional at Laneway?
I hope they have sunscreen on.
Confused. How did we get to this evolution of festival fashion?
Confused. Have seen no sign of any Triple J hosts at the festival.
Damn, there’s a lot of condoms and baggies on the floor of this toilet right now.
Confused. I thought teenagers weren’t allowed to drink in public?
Quote: Guy 1: “Hey man, see any good bands today?”
Quote: Guy 2: “Nah bro, I’ve just been drinking in the toilet all day.”
Guy 2 is dude wearing yellow Dune Rats t-shirt, overalls and felt hat.
Confused. Do people usually dance like that to Father John Misty? It’s not a rave.
Question. Why are you putting all your weight on me for you fat shit? You can’t get any closer to the front. We’re at Anderson .Paak for fuck sake.
Confused. How did he get so far to the front?
Question. How was the War on Drugs? I left before they started.
So yeah, this was probably my last festival.
OFF AIR is my informal blog post, usually unfiltered and roughly edited.